he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
