Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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