We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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