After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
