i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
