There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
