just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Actions speak louder than pants.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
