I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
