i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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