Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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