What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
