I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
