some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
