you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
