did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
