The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
