Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
