it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
