an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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