the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
And then he peed in my hair
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