Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
