This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
