some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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