and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
In the future we'll all be gay
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
how does that bad decision feel?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
