Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
