after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
