That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
