Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
