She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
