Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
