i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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