What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
