look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
