I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
