I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Couch. On fire.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
