Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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