Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize