its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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