dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Hippo gnu deer
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
