Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
