Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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