Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
