Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize