it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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