dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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