I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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