I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
no you cant smoke seaweed
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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