I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
