He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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