i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
