I can text with my tongue
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
