turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
how drunk are you?
Several
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
