I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize