So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Holy shit dude........stairs
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
