Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
