Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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