i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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