I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
