Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
