something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I think my moral compass just broke
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
