I got chris browned last night
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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