i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
