She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
