rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
